If you’re not attracting the clients that you want, making the money you want or you’re making money and you’re spending it…
…or you’re stuck in this “it’s too hard, it’s too overwhelming” thinking…
you’re probably self-sabotaging.
Self-sabotage is a killer of your business dreams.
How do you know if you’re sabotaging in your business?
You will think that something’s wrong with you if you’re not getting the results you want. And you’ll probably blame yourself rather than going. “Okay, There’s something deeper at play here”.
I see this all the time.
It’s so important to get this right to make sure that you’re not keeping yourself stuck and small.
Where are you sabotaging in your business? And in your life? Where are you not showing up? Where are you deleting opportunities?
What happens with our unconscious minds when we self-sabotage is we delete opportunity that’s all around us.
We’ve got money all around us. We’ve got resources all around us. We’ve got potential clients all around us, we’ve got potential opportunities for joint ventures for speaking gigs, for ways to get our content out into the world.
If we haven’t sorted out our mindset, if we haven’t really worked on that mindset, we will sabotage it.
The reason we do this, the number one reason that we self-sabotage is that we’ve taken on so much external conditioning and programming.
The external programming comes from our parents, teachers, peers, TV, authorities – anyone who has had a voice in our lives.
Everything that we’ve been taught, has become part of our belief system. Then we relive the past, instead of being in the present moment.
The present moment is where we are creative. The present moment is where we can solve problems, where we can see clearly, where we have clarity, where we can come up with solutions to all our biggest problems.
It’s like when you’re stressed and you’re in that fight or flight mode and you’re overwhelmed and there’s so much going on and you’re so busy and you’re distracted.
You find yourself distracted and scrolling social media and maybe getting caught up on the internet and going down all these rabbit holes, opening all these tabs on your computer.
If your environment is messy if your mind feels cluttered, all of these are red flags, and these are signals that you are self-sabotaging. Those are the red flags that are sabotaging you.
You are really cluttered, you’re distracting yourself, you’re always busy rather than working on your stuff.
We do this because of these belief systems that have formed.
75% of our beliefs are formed from the age of zero to seven. Our little minds as children form beliefs, and we just live out of them. That programming, that unconscious programming that happens from parents, from teachers, from the school system, from TV, from the radio that conditioning, carries out into adulthood until we change the program.
It’s almost like changing the channel on a TV. And we can’t do this until we have an awareness of it. The way we have awareness of it is if we look at our life and we determine that we haven’t got the result we want.
Maybe you set a goal, you haven’t achieved it. Maybe you’ve had a dream and you haven’t got it yet. You’re sabotaging. you’re probably playing out belief systems that you’ve had for a very long time.
We don’t need to go and sit in years of therapy. There are other ways to do it much faster.
That’s what I’m going to give you in this article and video – ways we can stop this self-sabotage pattern.
You probably find that it’s not this one-off behaviour that you do. You’ll probably find that it’s a pattern. It’s a recurring pattern with a theme that you keep bumping up against.
As we come towards the New Year, you probably bump up against the same beliefs. You look at your goals and you think, oh my gosh, I’ve had that on my goals list for years!
Why can’t I achieve that goal? Or I’ve been trying to build this business for so long. Why isn’t it happening? Something’s wrong with me or something is wrong with other people or something’s wrong with the economy, and another red flag we go into is “blame”.
We blame situations, we blame circumstances, we blame people, and we blame ourselves.
Blame is not a creator stance. For us to build a business so for us to achieve any goal that we want in life, we must be in the creative position, not the victim position.
When we’re blaming, when we’re making excuses, when we’re not committed…
When we’re going “I don’t have the money” or “I don’t have the time”, “it’s so hard”, “I’m not good at technology”, “there are so many coaches here”
All that language reveals our mindset.
Pay attention to your language if you hear blame, if you hear excuses, or if you hear denial.
I call it going to B.ED – Blame, Excuses, Denial.
If you hear yourself making those mistakes. If there’s sabotage going on. It’s that programming from your past.
What do we do about it?
1. Set Goals that are Outside of your Current Comfort Level
This is going against what most people say. Usually, they say; set goals that are very realistic, that are very doable. And I agree to a point.
But if you want to reveal what’s going on inside your mindset, inside your unconscious mind, then you set these goals that are outside of your comfort zone.
They don’t need to be miles out. I’m not saying, if you’ve never made any money in your business, you set a goal. I’m going to make a million next year.
What I’m talking about is something that’s just slightly out of your comfort zone and your comfort level. That’s something you’ve never done before.
Your belief systems will reveal themselves. They all come to the surface.
I’ve seen this happen over and repeatedly. When you set a goal and you commit to it. You say; “this is what I’m doing, and you tell people about it.” Then the sabotage patterns reveal themselves and all the wounds come to the surface.
The unresolved wounds, the wounded self, the blame the victim, all that stuff starts to come to the surface.
You’ll notice it through your language and through your thoughts.
But the thing is, a lot of people that don’t have the entrepreneurial mindset, they’re stuck in that nine to five mentality and they bring the nine to five mentality into entrepreneurship.
They’re always going to struggle. Because of the nine to five mindsets of “not my problem.”
It’s my manager’s – or five o’clock finishes and they think “I don’t need to work anymore”. Whereas entrepreneurs work until they get the result. That’s what you’ve got to do. You’ve got to get out of your comfort level. That way you can see what your wounds are. You can start facing them.
Then you can start overcoming them and you can start working on your behaviour, your psychology, your language and making sure it’s all pushing that level of excellence to become the best version of yourself.
It’s not until you set that goal to raise your standards and be the best version of yourself that you realize the gap.
Most people aren’t aware of the gap because they’re not setting the goal. They stay here, they don’t want to set the goal because setting the goal requires your wounds to come to the surface.
A lot of people don’t want to face their wounds, it’s too painful. They don’t want to say I’ve held on to these stupid old beliefs…
“my mom and dad never had money so I’ll never have money” or “if I become successful people won’t like me”, “if I become successful I’ll lose my friends”, or “If I work hard, I’ll have no freedom” or “I’ll burnout”
These beliefs that people have that are keeping them stuck, they avoid setting goals because they don’t want the gap. They don’t want to feel the tension of where they are and where they want to be.
Most people just stay at that level and then just keep sabotaging. It becomes this horrible pattern that becomes very uncomfortable. People think they’re staying in a comfort zone, but, it becomes very uncomfortable very fast.
That’s number one, you need to set goals that are outside of your current level. Let the wounds reveal themselves and you start facing them one by one. The wound will come up not good enough, not smart enough, not capable enough.
What if I booked a venue for an event and no one comes, or one person comes? What if I do a Facebook Live and I stuff it up and I start stumbling over my words.
People get stuck in the past when they are focusing on things that have happened in the past….
…They get stuck in guilt and shame or they get stuck in the future anxiety, thinking of the worst-case scenario.
None of that’s helpful. We need to get back to the present time because that’s where we can create solutions.
2. Take Action Despite the Fear
One of the best books I’ve ever read was ‘Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway’ by Susan Jeffers. I read it about 20 years ago and something just switched in me.
On Saturday at Unleash your Freedom when was I asking; what’s the biggest thing that you need to take away?
The most common answer was “I just got to do it even though I feel scared”
We’re all scared. Let’s normalise it. Let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about the fact that no one has it all together.
No one is perfect. No one is going to be perfect on social media. They’re not showing their full self, their full authentic self. They’re just showing a side to themselves and that’s okay.
There are lots going on behind the scenes. Imperfection. that’s part of being human. We are imperfect… and it’s imperfectly perfect and perfectly imperfect.
You’ve got to take fast action, your brain gives you five seconds from inspired thought to action, you have five seconds before your brain shuts it down, and it pulls the handbrake up.
It says, no, we’re not doing that. Because you’ll start going into analysis by paralysis.
For example, I’ve never done a perfect Facebook Live. I always get something wrong. My intern transcribes these Facebook Lives, and I look at it, and I go, “Wow, I say a lot of fluff sometimes”. It doesn’t matter.
I just keep showing up. Because I know you will catch it and you will act on it and you will apply it.
Even though I stumble over my words, I get things wrong, I say the word, “you know” or “um”, who cares! it doesn’t matter.
You don’t have to prove yourself that you’re good enough by trying to wait till you’ve got a perfectly polished thing to say just show up.
For example, I didn’t plan this one at all. I just wrote three points, I wrote it at five minutes to eight, and just hit, Go Live.
That’s what you’ve got to do. You’ve got to take fast action despite the fear.
3. Focus on your Mission and Not on You
You’ve got to focus on your mission because your mission is bigger than you. Your mission is about other people.
When you’re concerned about all the little details and all the little things that you want to get right. You’re self-focused.
Focus on your mission, serving people, showing up, willing to be brave, being vulnerable, having courage, knowing that it’s bigger than you.
You’ve been entrusted with your gifts, your talents, and if you don’t do it, no one else will.
No one can fulfill your unique mission and purpose, I truly believe with my heart of hearts, that we all have a mission on this planet.
For some of us, we have a mission to serve a certain type of people and other people have a desire to serve that same group of people.
But no one can do it the way you do. You’ve been gifted with certain gifts and talents with certain mastery with certain levels of wisdom and discernment around that topic. Experience skills, knowledge, all of it in unique combination is what’s needed.
When you keep focusing on yourself, when you keep thinking “what will people think” or if I put up a webinar and people don’t like or If I do a Facebook Live, I don’t know what to say.
That’s self-focus and to be blunt, that’s quite selfish. The world needs you to turn up in your authenticity. Regardless of how you look or how you sound.
So many people say to me “I won’t do it because I don’t like the sound of my voice.”
Who is that focusing on? It’s focusing on you not on your mission, not on why you’re here.
When I’m on stage, sometimes realise what’s coming out of me.
It’s an out-of-body experience where the downloads are coming, the uploads are coming. It’s almost like it’s not even anything to do with me. I’m just a vessel and that’s what we need to be as business owners.
We need to focus on the mission, do you have a mission in your business? Have you set your vision, set your mission? And are you working on your clear goals and actions for it?
Because if not, you’re just going to sabotage you’re going to keep learning, going to more seminars, reading more books, and no one’s getting helped.
You need to squeeze the sponge, you’ve absorbed enough. You don’t need to learn more about your topic. You need to learn more about your mindset and business.
That’s my recommendation for you:
Number One: Tick goals outside of your comfort level. Let the wounds reveal themselves, move from wounded self to best version.
Number Two: You need to take action despite fear.
Number Three: You need to focus on your mission, not on yourself.
Get on mission because you’re awesome. You’ve been fully equipped for everything you need to fulfill it.
All the resources you need around you, the money, the clients and the people that can help you are around you.
You just need to delete that information when you get focused on yourself.
Start opening and expanding and act despite the fear you’ve been avoiding that keeps coming back into your mind.
That’s your key to overcoming self-sabotage.
Because remember, that 75% of beliefs that have formed from zero to seven is because of our conditioning.
If we don’t override that conditioning, that programming with new programming. We’ll just keep playing out those same, the same patterns.
P.S. Do you want to know the easiest way to get coaching clients, EVEN IF you’re just starting out as a Coach?
Do you want to know, with certainty, how to create a profitable business?
Check out our upcoming workshop How To Build a Profitable Coaching Business.
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* Masterminding brainstorming session (this is GOLD!) – get input from other Coaches on your where you’re stuck
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It’s our last workshop for 2019!