Do you want to feel more in control during this chaotic time?
In the midst of this uncertain season, there is no better time to focus on mastering our thoughts…
…so you can walk through this season well and come out flourishing and thriving.
There’s a lot of uncertainty at the moment – around you, and maybe within you.
Mindset mastery, I believe, is one of the most powerful things that will get us through this season.
To start with, I want to make it clear that I’m not a neuroscientist, I’m not a psychologist. I’m a coach. I help people manage their mind. If you are struggling with severe anxiety or depression, please seek professional help.
I invite you to start with compassion, and accepting yourself as you are, right now.
Without denying that the facts are there, the circumstances exist and this is the reality that we’re all dealing with at the moment.
People are really suffering right now. People are scared.
I don’t take that lightly when I have an opportunity to share my words. Our words can create different feelings in people’s bodies. Our words can change the way people feel – including ourselves.
It’s very interesting times, and it’s so powerful to be able to show up and have these kinds of conversations, whatever your platform is.
Whether that’s a chair at home, whether it’s out for a walk, jumping on your phone, whatever it is to be able to have healthy conversations because that’s what we’ve always done for thousands of years to help us solve our problems.
So to start with, is mind mastery about positive thinking?
In short, no. The reason I chose this topic is because mastering your mind ultimately gives you the most power.
When circumstances are out of your control and when you’re fearful, and there’s so much uncertainty around you, my definition of my mastery in this context is..
…being the master of your own mind – knowing that your mind drives your feelings and drives your actions and your results.
I use a simple model that myself and my clients have benefited a lot from.
It’s called the TEAR model:
T – Thoughts
E – Emotions
A – Actions
R – Results
Our thoughts leads to our emotions, our emotions lead to our actions, and our actions lead to our results.
This is grounded in psychology. If you want to change your results, it helps to find out what thinking is causing that those results to happen.
I do self-coaching models on myself regularly using the TEAR model when I want to change the result I’m getting.
To do this, write down the result that you’re currently getting. Then write the actions that are causing that result. Then the emotions are driving those actions, and ultimately what are the thoughts causing that emotion?
The thoughts are usually the ‘sneaky’ one that you don’t always realise are actually driving our feelings, because it’s often happening at an unconscious level.
You can also use it for the result you want. Do the same thing as above, but in the ‘R’ line write the result you want, then the actions that will get you that result, then the emotions that will drive the action, and ultimately – what do you need to think and believe in order to feel that?
Mastering your mind is like watching what your brain is doing.
For many of us, our brain is freaking out at the moment and going into survival mode and getting addicted to the startling facts.
Things are changing so rapidly around us. So being the master of being able to look at what’s happening in your brain, and actually choose what you want to be thinking on purpose is taking control – it’s taking your power back in this time where it can feel like there’s so little control.
In fact, the main thing we can control and will always be able to control are our thoughts.
It’s not about “Oh, I have to think positive” It’s about thinking on purpose. For example, thinking “Okay. What AM I thinking? And what do I WANT to be thinking?’
It’s about being curious from a place of compassion, asking “What is my brain doing right now? What are the thoughts?” and being the observer from an empowered position.
It’s our brain’s job to keep us safe, so feeling any level of uncertainty or fear is very normal. Your brain is doing its job. But you don’t want to stay stuck there.
That’s why it’s so important to have conversations, because sometimes we don’t realise what our brain is actually doing until we start this conversation.
So, whether it’s through a coaching session or through journaling – it’s important to observe your thoughts.
To rush to try and make the brain be positive, that can sometimes not help.
This time we’re in is an opportunity to go “Right, I’m going to get to know myself better.”
All our belief systems are coming to the surface – and now we can deal with them. Especially if we’re careful not to ‘numb’ our feelings and allow them to be there. Emotions serve as sign posts.
Pretending that everything’s okay when it’s not and pushing down feelings is not helpful either.
You get to show up however you want. It’s your choice. You get to feel how you want you get to think and act how you want. Just because your friends and family are being a certain way, doesn’t mean you have to follow.
So, take that step back and ask yourself “When I look back, what will the ‘future me’ be happy with how I was?”
Will you say “I’m so glad that I used that as curriculum, as a training ground, a way to show myself what I’m made of?”
The fact that you’re here shows me that you care about self-improvement and that you really want to be the best version of yourself during this time.
The word mastery, to me, makes me feel powerful. We can be the master of ourselves.
I don’t want to just ‘manage and survive’. I want to thrive and flourish. I want to fight, in the most positive way, against the panic and terror and all those things that are destructive. It’s ok to feel them, but if we stay stuck in them, they can be damaging.
Mind mastery gives us a very powerful position.
There are so many things we can do. I’m going to offer you 3 actions today…
1. Externalise your thoughts
Get your thoughts out. Reveal them to yourself. That could look like a conversation with a friend – and make sure it’s someone who cares about you, wants you to be the best version of you, and wants you to succeed and thrive.
Externalising your thoughts through conversation is amazing, which a lot of people are doing, but a lot of people are doing it in a complaining way or in a scarcity way.
It’s ok to talk about what you’re feeling, but it also knowing that you don’t want to get stuck in that victim mode.
You can choose to be hero and the guide, rather than the victim or the perpetrator.
If you’re a coach, this is your time to step up, not shrink back.
In this situation in the world at the moment, so many people are having challenges.
People are at home alone or with their families and their thoughts. Many people are freaking out and need coaching.
People need our minds. Businesses need our minds.
We need production. We need value creation.
We want to be able to coach people from a place of abundance. We want to be able to coach them from a place of not freaking out, but from a place of no matter what, everything’s going to be fine.
If you need coaching reach out. More than ever, we need help from others.
Journaling is also a good way to externalise and process what you’re thinking about – get it out of your head, because when it’s swirling around in your head, it can be very destructive.
There are lots of great offers and things that people are offering to help you, things that help you feel empowered. Listen to your body’s reaction to what you’re consuming.
2. Decide how you want to feel
I recommend you do this on paper. Write down “How do I want to feel” and listen to the feelings, and then write what thought is going to make you feel like that. Ask “What do I need to think about, what do I need to believe in order to feel like that?”
You get to choose. Maybe you want to feel calm, maybe you want to feel energised and active and bring awareness. I believe we all have a part to play in this. It’s so important for me personally to stay calm and happy and keep myself in that state. That’s the best way that I can stay on purpose and help people.
For some of you, you want to feel gratitude and so write down “What do I need to believe in order to feel that?” and simply write it down.
Even if you’re out for a walk in nature and you’re just writing on your phone or whatever you need to do.
You get to choose how you want to feel.
Gratitude is a very neutralising thought. And then you’ve got your really active thoughts, things like “What can I do, how can I help, who can I serve?”
Some of you have got all this excess energy and you don’t want to pour it into anxiety – you want to pour it into your positive actions.
Some great thoughts to think might be “How can I choose gratitude in this moment?” or “How can I be fully present in this moment?” or “How can I just BE right now, without reacting in this moment?”
Anxiety is imagining the worst in the future. I personally like to go to worst case, and it helps me because if I’ve gone there already, my brain doesn’t have to constantly nag at me like “What if this happens? What if that happens?
I’ve already decided that if that happens, I’ll be fine.
I like to think about the fact that I don’t have a right to my next breath. That I don’t have control. I’m grateful for every breath. I don’t have a right to an amazing, comfortable life. Everything that I have is a blessing.
It helps me to go back to our ancestors and think about people who lived thousands of years ago. They were resilient and they survived. We humans are built for this.
It’s good to have a big picture perspective, pulling ourselves back and looking along our timeline, looking at our past and all the things that we’ve got through to remind the brain of the evidence.
I like to look at my past and think about all I’ve been through and how I’ve been fine.
Then go to future. If you are going to think about the future, at least use your amazing imagination to look at what you could create and what you can produce and all the good things that are waiting for you in the future.
We can let our mind wander wherever we want so we might as well let it wander to thoughts that are helpful and make us feel empowered
I like the thought, “Whatever happens, I’ll handle it”.
The reason that I think like this is because I spend a lot of time thinking by myself and working by myself and not consuming a lot.
I consume a lot of great podcasts and audiobooks, and I don’t consume a lot of news. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with consuming news if you choose to and I’ve definitely been consuming a lot more than usual to stay updated.
But when I feel my emotions start to slip, I go back to creating.
We need to get a balance to keep our emotional wellbeing, so remember to create, rather than just consume.
3. Focus on your next step
When we feel in ‘fight or flight mode’ and our brain is shutting down and we just want to curl up and drink and eat or whatever, I recommend that you focus on your next step, so that you’re not overwhelming yourself too far into the future.
It’s so tempting to want to just numb the feelings and consume and use it as an excuse not to take action – not to write that book or do exercise or whatever. And I just encourage you to focus on what’s your next step in getting your goals.
Hold on to your power. You still get make many, many choices.
Even though things have been taken away from us, there’s still infinitely amount of great decisions we can make.
Mastering your mind is about not changing who you are by thinking “I’m just gonna sit on the couch and drink and eat because I’ve got an excuse” but actually taking mastery and deciding what the next step should be.
Ok three powerful questions that you can ask yourself, to prevent those disempowering questions that an ‘unmastered’ mind can throw at us, like “What’s wrong with you?” or “What if I lose my job?” or “What if I get sick”.
You can put contingency plans in place from a place of love, not fear.
1. Who do I want to be?
You might want to close your eyes and take yourself out to the time in the future when this current situation is over. And looking back at now – how did you show up? And are you happy with that?
This is an opportunity for us to get stronger if we want to. It’s not just about putting your whole life and dreams on hold until all of this blows over – no, this is a time to step up.
You don’t grow without resistance. This is a perfect opportunity for you to decide the identity of who you want to be in this time.
2. How do I want to show up?
Decide the actions that mirror how you want to show up.
My sister wants to tuck herself away and finish writing her book.
I want to be coaching more than ever and taking my events online.
We all get the choice.
3. How can I use this to make me stronger?
This is such a powerful question. Your brain will come up with so many beautiful reasons how you can actually use this to make you stronger rather than retreating away from it.
Write it down.
I personally I want to be stronger from this and come out of this better not worse, and I believe that we can. I believe this is a massive opportunity for all of us.
I’d love to hear your thoughts and what resonated and how you’re feeling, so please do reach out.
A huge thanks to Lisa Gumieniuk, who is running the online ‘Chaos To Calm’ summit all week with 15+ experts sharing their best tools to help you feel in control.
Check out Lisa’s Facebook page for details of the summit and the other incredible speakers in the line up this week.
P.S. Are you a business owner struggling mentally or emotionally during this chaotic time?
I’d like to invite you to book a free coaching session with me (valued at $200). This is too hard to do alone!
*First-time sessions only. Spaces are limited to 3 people.
Don’t suffer alone. We’re all in this together.
You are amazing, resilient and resourceful.
Be strong and take care, you got this!